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O.K.The crack in my chest is only getting bigger
The tears won't stop flowing
The memories of you just won't go away.
This pain just won't cease.
I can't take it anymore.
Everytime I see your photo
It makes me dissolve
Into another Sea of Tears.
Sharp pains again
Hole in me is growing.
Larger and Larger
With each moment,
I remember of you.
Its been so long.
So long since I have
Heard your voice.
Seen you smile.
Felt your warmth.
Worried for you.
Please make this pain go away.
Take my memories
Take my tears
Fix this crack
Make everything ok.
Make me Ok.
Homeward BoundCold bitter winds, as bitter of the faces
Of the inhabitants,of a city crying for salvation.
How I long for the bright sunlight
And the sweet smell of fresh clean air.
Yearning for times long gone.
The Past that can never return.
The darkness creeps upon my mind.
Slowly I grow weaker, succumbing to It's seduction.
It's deceit eludes my guard.
Preying on my lost soul.
I claw and struggle to find a away out.
To return to the crisp breezes I once knew.
The light that caressed me.
To return to a memory.
Demons at every turn. Leering.
Can I escape?
Or do I escape because I don't want to?
The doubts and fears turn my blood to ice.
At the thought of giving up.
Every kind word.
Every gesture of kindness
Every understanding look.
Or is it?
I am told.
My chest is in pain.
My legs are numb.
My world goes black.
My eyes see blurred faces around me.
Kind Faces. Familiar Faces
I dare to take a breath.
Still FallingA breeze travels through the air.
You have a smile on your face
As you hold me closer.
Kiss me gently on my lips.
My support though everything.
I will never let you go.
We joke and we smile.
Over memories from long ago.
And even some recent.
Enjoying the company of one another.
You kisses are what get me though the rough work days
Your cynical wit gets me though the drama and false friends.
You make me think reasonably.
You make me weak in my knees.
I hold you closer to me.
I can't let you go yet.
I cuddle closer.
And you snuggle right back.
Making me feel safe.
MirrorsWhat is that I see in the mirror?
Surely that cannot be me.
Its so different than the me I have known for so many years.
I remember hair thick, pulled back,
Eyes pleading to be loved.
Muffing Tops and Buns.
That is the me I remember.
I look again at the model before me.
Smiling her pearly whites.
Hair stylishly in her face.
Body and looks to Kill
Outfit to die for.
Which is me?
Or is this just a dream?
Or a possibly a reality?
Or a past?
No more scars,
No more Acne.
I want to be this so badly.
What if this isn't me?
I Miss You.I find myself mesmerized by the skies of white and blue.
I can't help but look at every American flag on the side of the road.
Thinking of what you lived, you breathed, and you loved, for 21 years.
You loved freedom.
You loved life.
You loved making yourself known.
That's why I miss you so.
I see you everywhere I go.
I can't run away.
I miss you, why can't you come back?
21 years wasted in this world,
I am missing a part of myself.
Time and Time AgainSnow is fluttering to the grown.
Staining the green with its cleanliness.
Its white is so pure, so fresh.
Never stepped in before.
I look away from the snow for only a moment.
And in that moment it was like I was born a new.
My eyes cannot leave it.
Because I am looking at you.
Your eyes bore into mine.
They are such a beautiful blue.
I find myself trapped.
Yet I do not mind.
I want you to keep me forever.
I want to wake up every morning
And find you there.
Time and time again, I want to see your face.
Time and Time again I want to be held in your arms.
Time and Time again I want to feel your kisses.
Time and time again...
I want to look at you like it was the first time
Broken TongueSo he says to me,
I’m not trying to be offensive,
I’m just saying, its obvious English isn’t your native language.
If English isn’t my mother tongue,
I don’t know what is.
I speak broken English,
I speak non-existent Cantonese.
All the kids who look like me on TV
Hold the vocabulary I let sky dive off of my tongue.
I never had a full conversation with my grandparents,
Instead, I would communicate by uttering keywords
Like a Command Prompt, words such as 奶 or
面包, words I could never pronounce properly for the life of me.
Sorry, could you repeat that? I don’t understand.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you,
It’s just that…I don’t know how.
I think English, I dream Cantonese,
I speak…broken tongue.
.you page tearing
give back your
wings, because there is
why they were ripped
away. you cannot hold on
to what you lost.
in the eye of a
storm, you were the one
that fought the eye. and
as much as it
breaks me, that is the reason
why i once loved
you (but i can't hold on
to what i lost).
the spirit pools?
of a human
is the slime
in grief -
to hold it
in your hand,
the spirit pools?
that reflection -
masksWhat happened to all those masks he thought...
he used to like the one with the happy face
but now it chafes and makes his eyes water
it just didn't seem to fit right anymore.
and it produced that funny tin echo when he laughed
the sad faced mask was comfortable when Rafael died
but lately he started slipping it on by mistake
most often during corny scenes in movies
or late at night when no one was around
the anger mask was his favorite when he was young
he wore it proudly with its' red war paint and menacing eyes
but now it was cracked and faded and heavy
so heavy he could only wear it briefly before his neck started to hurt from the strain
the fear mask was broken and was indistinguishable from apathy
the surprise and anticipation masks were lost
he couldn't remember the last time he saw them
maybe somewhere at the bottom of his closet
his least favorite masks, disgust and shame,
were still in fine shape though
he told himself that was because he hardly wore them
that's what he
they never said to grieve for dying starsi don't want to write about stars, but
that's all there seems to be:
nebulae drawn up like harp strings itching
to be plucked; echoes of light like calls for
encore; the kicked-off blankets at the
edges of the universe unraveling
at the seams like the nightmares are
tell me a story about time, the way the
sunlight hits its mark and how the world
turns away -
how the distance deepens, deepens, the
dark a gnawing glimpse, the taste of
tell me - weren't we seedlings,
star-built and scattered? weren't
the echoes more than dredges, less than
tidal waves, infantile monsoons
to be grasped and dragged behind
weren't we taught where we came from?
because bones are hollowI’ve always wanted to learn how to carve wood into intricate designs
And I figure this is about the same— as I strip away my flesh to carve things I mustn’t forget into the surface of my bones.
Who Am I (Part 2)Who Am I (Part 2)
I'm a person who can't write poetry,
I tried to be edgy,
but my idea die more than Kenny.
I worry about my future,
however, like Amadeus to his piano, I have my computer.
I had a war going on in my head,
but a warrior made the happiness take the lead.
I'm a teddy bear,
I'm kind, cute, and caring.
Even though I never had my first kiss,
I can piss over a guy name Chris and run away into the abyss.
That will teach him never to make you cry,
I will protect my friends until the day I die.
You deserve to beYou deserve to be happy, but you can't stop loving him/her
And if you do not let him/her go you never can be happy
Because you can't force him/her to love you
And I know it hurts to hear that
But you have to Remember that he is not the only man/woman on earth who is going to notice you
You're beautiful, strong, intelligent, warm and kind-hearted
And I know there is a person waiting for you
To make you happy and give you lots of love and affection
The PlayThe air is frigid, and snow covers all.
I freeze in my footsteps,
Surrounded by white I am
I feel misplaced, and oh so wrong.
the only darkness in this purity.
The only flaw, on this perfect Stage.
The only one who doesnt know thier lines.
In this play of perfection.
Constantly making mistakes,
Never being good enough.
Again and again, I rehearse,
Retrace the steps, repeat the lines.
They go through my head,
The way the blood goes thorugh my veins,
In order to seek approval,
This is what I must do.
I go to the first scene,
Taking my place on the stage,
The curtain begins to rise.
So many thoughts go through my head,
Snow litters the stage
It goes cold.
I begin to move in my dark Attire.
Everyone begins to move in the dance.
I step out and continue on my own.
Nine TimesI saw him nine times.
The first time we were both sitting in the room together, getting ready to take the math test that would determine our placement. I was scatterbrained and throwing things around, trying to find the pencils that I had known I would need but had still just tossed in my purse. He was lounging backwards in his chair, looking for all the world as though he didn’t have a single care in the world, including the upcoming test. It annoyed me, that I was frantic and ready to scream, while someone else could be that relaxed.
I tested out of the class.
I don’t know if he did.
The second time I saw him, it was a few months after I arrived on campus. He was the one rushing and frantic this time, running across the square. He was probably late for class, though I had no way of knowing for sure. I was already lost in my own thoughts and ideas, deciding on my major and convincing people that yes, this is what I really want to do with my life. If they weren
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